Toxic Thoughts

I start this off staring at a blank page An open office document A blinking cursor Passing days Without a single word Some say it's absurd Like I float along a stream of words unsaid Choosing not to cast my net But I spend so long questioning myself If this isn't right Then does that mean I failed Will my melodies ever live up Will my metaphors be profound enough Will I ever outdo myself The ceiling gets higher and higher It's harder and harder to shatter And when I fall I fall worse than I ever did before Evaluating the damage no I just don't understand it Conflicted by the very air I breathe A love with hatred laced between You can see it in my eyes A child's spark light up the night Constant search for approval Suffocated by refusal Devouring my skull But never feeling full Oh dear I don't wanna be a burden But could you please be a little more concerned with The overactive mind of a believer The toxic thoughts of an overachiever Oh dear if only you could feel it The crippling fear of being deserted You can't touch the heat of this fever The toxic thoughts of an overachiever I start this off a little confused Writers block doesn't exist It's not a word I'm supposed to use Because it's all in my mind A parasite I'm supposed to find But sometimes Well most times It's so hard to define So I pour a couple drinks Getting drunk on gasoline Fire pulses in my veins I'm sick of waiting for the day That courage overtakes my brain For someone to say it's ok I've lived my whole life afraid It's time for me to be brave To embrace a forest That's so dark and unknown Because no great adventurer has a paved path to roam They pave as they go Disappointed gazes leaving poisoned bread crumb traces I'm not taking the bait Let them rot in their place I deserve to be alright I deserve to sleep at night I'm my closest friend I remind myself again Better treat her well Cuz she's with me till the end Oh dear I don't wanna be a burden But could you please be a little more concerned with The overactive mind of a believer The toxic thoughts of an overachiever Oh dear if only you could feel it The crippling fear of being deserted You can't touch the heat of this fever The toxic thoughts of an overachiever Sometimes I forget the feeling Of every single nerve tingling Better than any lovers�� touch I've created tears of pain and burns of lust I've created a forest a safe place for myself that others have found Some attempt to destroy and others feed the ground Fertilize my mind with melodies and rhymes A sorcerer of time take you back to the night When you pondered your death when somebody left when you lie away broken cause your head is unkept and let me remind you That everything is temporary You and I are temporary And this feeling that's so scary Someday you'll realize that thoughts so heavy Don't mean you're unsteady But that you're only getting ready to say nice to meet you to somebody you never knew You