if you only knew (Explicit Ver.)

I've been trying so hard to survive Sometimes I think that I wanna die I feel so fucking guilty cuz god I'm so lucky To live my life So I keep all the pain to myself Losing faith but nobody can tell Mom, I don't want you worried cuz that would just hurt me So I pretend I'm fine If you only knew What my mind is telling me I should do That I'm drunk and all alone in my room here tonight I'm too sad to cry, it's true If you only knew All the shit my brain is putting me through You'd come running over straight to my room here tonight I'm sorry but I need you If you only knew I wish I was somebody else I'm constantly overwhelmed Now I'm falling again getting drunk with some friends It's a silent cry for help I wanna get better, I want you to know That I can't do this on my own If you only knew What my mind is telling me I should do That I'm drunk and all alone in my room here tonight I'm too sad to cry, it's true If you only knew All the shit my brain is putting me through You'd come running over straight to my room here tonight I'm sorry but I need you Take me out of this hell Oh, somebody help Take me out of this hell Oh, I'm not myself I wanna tell you What my mind is telling me I should do That I'm drunk and all alone in my room here tonight I'm too sad to cry but I want to Oh, if you only knew