You & the Cockroach

Okay, picture this There's this cold floating rock, right? And at the bottom of the rock there’s this ocean And at the bottom of the ocean there's these little teeny amoeba, right? And after millions of years these amoeba They start turning into fish and swimming around I don't know how it works, but it does So these amoebas, right, these f–amoeba fish Start swimming around until one day One of these fish was like, "You know what? I fucking hate the ocean, it sucks, its cold, it’s wet I'm done! I'm done" So he grabs these fucking little things that are called hands and feet and connects them to his body And he crawls out of this ocean, right? And when he gets onto the bay, guess what he sees? He looks around and he sees a Female fish, and she's beautiful Oh my God, stunning So they talk, they talk for a few days And they start, you know after a few days they start mashing parts MASHING PARTS 'Cause that's what happens, right? So they mash parts and all these babies get born After millions of years these babies shed their scales, shed their fins Until they start standing upright, and one day They, fucking– Their brains get so big That they begin to understand these really scary concepts And one of these concepts is that they're going to... DIE And what's scarier than knowing you’re going to die? Nothing, to me So one day, this guy’s like, "You know what? I'm gonna create something that makes me not afraid of dying," right? So he comes up with it, and it’s actually called this thing that you may know as, it's called... RELIGION And this religion causes a bunch of... CONFLICT Conflict, bang-bang-bang, that's literally what it sounds like So with all of this... CONFLICT They understand they need some orders so they create this thing called... GOVERNMENT To keep each other in line, but guess what It actually doesn't happen like that Guess what it creates, it creates a bunch more... CONFLICT Oh my God! And out of all this conflict arises a president And this president is orange, he’s got orange hair It's parted to the side, it looks really dumb He's chubby, and he's got little sausage fingers They look like Little Smokies I personally love Little Smokies Either way, he starts arguing with this leader on the other side of the world He's got a bowl cut, he's similarly pudgy He's got sausage fingers too I don't know what it is with guys with sausage fingers But it messes their minds up, right? So they start bickering like little children And one day the guy with orange hair is just like, "You know what? I'm gonna fucking do it, I've got a small dick, I ain't got nothing to lose" So he gets his thing, and he presses the button and it just goes... [Chorus] Ba-ba-ba-bang-bang and it blows him up! And everybody dies! Everybody dies! Everybody dies! [Verse 2: Hobo Johnson & Backup vocals] What's the only thing that survives a nuclear war? Everyone say it on 5 1, 2, 3, 4... 5 COCKROACHES, yeah So the cockroaches are really small, but After millions of years they start getting bigger Then one day they start losing their fucking shale... uh, shells And losing their fucking... a–antennas And then they fucking... brains get so big They understand these really scary concepts And the concepts that they are going to... DIE But guess what, they don't wanna die So they create this new thing called... RELIGION But it creates a newer thing called... CONFLICT So then they protect each other, so they create... GOVERNMENT But then it creates even more... CONFLICT Oh my God! And out of this conflict arises this fucking president He's a cockroach, he's a little f–small boy And he gets really fucking... insecure about his place in the world Ha-ha-ha, classic So he finds some guy to project onto And they start bickering, and he bickers and bickers The other guy's like, "Fuck you" The other guy's like, "Fuck you, motherfucker" But he has to go to his top cockroach scientist Because guess what, nukes don't fucking work on cockroaches It bounces off them like... a soft ocean breeze So the president fucking, he's like, "Okay, I'm gonna do it" So he devises a new missile He talks to his top cockroach scientist, imagine that A big human-like cockroach in a fucking labsuit with glasses on, hehe So he fucking tells him, he's like, "We need a missile that kills cockroaches" So the scientist is like, "Okay, I got it, it's gonna be a missile And on the end of the missile, instead of a nuke It's one giant, president, it's a giant, it's a giant..." [Chorus] Shoe! And it blows him up! [Outro] It's a giant... shoe, heh Classic, classic, classic... [Tag] "I mean... I mean, we just tryna chill. We didn't come here to show off, or like floss our shit or anything like that. We just came to chill and have fun. And I guess that's what life's all about. Ha ha, let go."