`Cool` Guys (skit)

Alright welcome to the third national DA's convention on narcotics and dangerous drugs And now without further ado the man who will define this cancer eating at the heart of America Dr. L. Ron Bumquist l saw these bastards in Easy Rider but l didn't believe they were real Not like this man not hundreds of them They're actually pretty nice people once you get to know them Know them l know these people in my goddamn blood Don't say that word around here You'll get them excited You're right The most efficient way for us to do this is for each one of us to try and attempt to imagine what it is like inside of the possessed mind of the addict For example a dope fiend refers to the reefer butt as a roach because it resembles a cockroach What the fuck are these people talking about You've got to be crazy on acid to think a joint looks like a goddamn cockroach You will notice that l have distinguished four four distinct states of being in the cannabis or marijuana society They are cool groovy hip and square Seldom if ever Too crazy man Too crazy We should get the hell out What a fucking nightmare lf he figures out what is happening then he can rise one notch and become hip And then if he can convince himself to approve of what is happening then he becomes groovy Groooovy And then after that he can actually raise himself to the rank of cool He can become one of those Cool guys