The Whole

Hey floks! Begging your pardon! 'Scuse me Sorry to barge in Now let’s skip the tears and start on the whole You know, “being dead” thing You are doomed! Enjoy the singing The sword of Damocles is swinging And if I hear your cell phone ringing I'll kill you myself The whole "being dead" thing! Death can get a person stressed We should have carpe'd way more diems Now we're never gonna see ‘em! I can show you what comes next So don't be freaked Stay in your seats I do this bullshit, like, eight times a week? So just relax, you'll be fine Drink your fifty-dollar wine And take a breath! Welcome to a show about death! You're, You're gonna be fine On the other side Die! You're all gonna die! You're all gonna die! I'll, I'll be your guide To the other side Oh, And full disclosure. It's a show about death! Everybody gets on fine here Like Rodgers, Hart, and Hammerstein here The women's bathroom has no line here Just pee where you want The whole being dead thing! You're just gonna love the folks here Yeah, I know you're woke, but you can take a joke here And every show I do, like, a TON of coke here The whole? PAH-HAH! The whole being dead thing! Nobody is bullet-proof "I work out, I eat clean!" Jesus, pass the Dramamine Time to face the brutal truth ‘Cause we're all on a hit list Might not live ‘till Christmas? Choke to death on Triscuits Hey, that's just statistics So take a little break here Kinda like a wake here The scenery is fake here But there's a giant snake here! Welcome to a show about death! You're, You're gonna be fine?thank you! On the other side? how you doin'? Alright, not good! I'll? hey! I'll be your guide to the other side Seriously, Though, This is a show about? Death! is taboo, but it's hardly something new There's nothing medical professionals could do ‘cept may just bill you If you die during today’s performance, the show will not stop! There's no destiny or fate Just a terrifying wait Filled with people that you hate And on a certain date, the Universe kills you! That's the thing with life No one makes it out alive Toss that body in the pit "Gosh, it's awful, ain't it tragic?" "Blah-blah, Bible, Jesus magic" When you're dead, who gives a shit? "No pilates, no more yoga!" "Namaste", you freakin' posers From the cradle to cremation Death just needs a little conversation! I have mastered the art of tearing convention apart So, how about we all make a start On the whole "being dead" thing! God, I hope you're ready for a show about death!