Trephination

I used to want to take a drill to my head Let the pain out of the hole I used to want to cut the veins in my neck Cool the blood boiling my soul When I wondered, why my daily headaches thundered Tried to buffer, pushing down the pain I suffered Mutilated, feeling so humiliated Cannot wash the dirt off underneath my skin There was a part of me left far behind When at the age of five years old I had my innocence taken from me Emptiness would fill the hole Now a second grader, thinking why I don't feel better Why I'm filthy, why the hell I feel so guilty When drawing stick men of pornographic men and women Thinking all the time there's something wrong with me Everyday for three years from dawn 'til dusk a migraine would take me and break me And it'd cripple me so much that In dreams, it'd seem, with a hole in my temple that I could probably make my headaches finally go away Trephination trephination The enemy inside of me won't let me free wants me to bleed And after three years now my headaches wear off For reasons not quite to me known The acupuncture needles sticking my skin Pushed them down as far as they'd go But now I'm older and now inside my anger smolders from depression, to fighting Taking out my vengeance Consequences, now I'd question during sex if ... Is this how it fucking feels or am I faking it ? No longer the child that you left there at the bart tracks I'm now at 17, left in an empty blackness On drugs, with thugs, and thinking "Goddamn ?" I'm ending up in a failure, in the gutter passed out Trephination trephination This enemy inside of me won't let me free wants me to bleed Now I'm older and in this man an anger smolders Now I'm thinking a hole in you is what I'm seeing Your depression, is the dent I kick in you in vengeance Consequences are the pain I'd give to you I know that I'm dreaming, but in this dream I go in go through it, and end it And though I'd never do it I'm killing you, hand on the trigger - pull it Your final thought'll be a bullet in your fuckin' head Trephination trephination This enemy inside of me I'm now killing to make me free.