Breathe

Today I looked up how long it would take to drown Today I looked up how long it would take to drown How can long can you hold your breath before you can't hold your breath any longer And how long until your lungs give out and the sound that used to fill the void Quiets like a mass of midnigt, searching for its piece of the pie Today I stood in front of a window and imagined what it would be like to fly, no didn't I imagined what it would be like to jump outside the frame that caged me inside But my better judgment said it wouldn't be very kind if someone you cared about found you That's the voice that plays like a tape on rewind, rewind, rewind It wouldn't be fair to a stranger either Today I'm reminded of the time I watched a man jump into a highway when I was just seventeen The car lights on either side of the upper portion of the AutoRoute below standing at attention Staring off into the distance Just waiting for the road to clear And the way to the comfort of their loved ones to be made Death is a strange and hollow inconvenience when you think about it There's a blank face that quickly and abruptly finds it way to all the witness something of that magnitude It's not empathy, it's not sympathy It's more of a force intrinsic and integral self reflection Why someone do such a thing What could drive someone to that type of depth Could I be driven to such depths Would I ever be able to jump There is no place to be soft in these moments, jump There's no time to caught in this moment, jump There's no need to believe there ever was a moment, jump Sigh, believe, relief in this moment Cause I could never be the one to be in this moment Or could i jump Today I looked up how long it would take to drown Do first hold your breath Do you exhale all of your problems and worries before casting your thoughts to the bottom Of an otherwise empty place below the poverty line of depressed thoughts And the sad calamity of a hunted house you've called home I don't know Maybe someone out there has an answer But for now I'm still trying to come to terms of the fact That today I looked up how long it would take to drown