R.I.P (Feat. Suhn)

I was 16, when the bell on the phone rings It’s my homie from church, an ex dope fiend a little older, wore his heart on his shoulder a hiphop head so we connected on the totem back then I’d kick verses and he’d be on the scrotum I wish he were around to hear these verses that I wrote him just to clear the air, confusion and misquotings a good kid with black clouds following his motions like “hear ye hear ye” but they don't hear me the headline I’ve read for the tenth time, its eerie “three dead, including Sunday school teacher an ex dope fiend, turned extroverted church leader” is this real? my hairs raised suddenly I’m drowning in emotion while shivers swim subtly I read on “an affair that ends tragic teachers pleads for life down the barrel of a magnum then point blank shot dead together with his lover, before the lovers husband took his own life from him” my eyes turned red, welled up a watered gaze from hurt, fear, and let down in lots of ways God! Why would you allow this if you save when evil lurked within, why did my homie disobey we got one life, is it ok to be afraid at least we got that option stomping through this maze its ok to be afraid, many don’t have that option, that’s what we mourn today "here one day, then gone away, things will never be the same" "here one day, then gone away and all that remains is the pain" I remember her soft skin and her caress the mistakes that I made and her grace when I confessed like politics me and her it was complex but all the stains would wash away, each time our minds connect we had history, old school like a cassette together we opened doors, explored, she knew me best I imagined us forever, ever, ever but now I wish I never met her why wont this feeling letup I can't forget her staring at our empty bed the silence is screaming at me, so I stay awake instead and in the sheets, there’s rooms for extra legs on my phone no SMS, missed calls, or messages from tying the knot , to farewell goodbyes and my stomach twisted up in knots like Bear Grylls tied them the start and end, it comes full sphere from the cradle to the grave, I wish you were here