Another Rape Poem (Sixteen)

I walked in Saw your face White teeth clamped Black T-Shirt Should have run I was a prize Sixteen, Sixteen, Sixteen I was sixteen and had a boyfriend that was an idiot Which was okay, because I was also kind of an idiot My friend and I snuck into an army barracks late at night She was dating an older guy who lived on the base Suddenly I was a prize in a building of a thousand men --- Drenched in America and sweat I'm not saying that the military raped me I'm saying I was sixteen and I was on my period Black T-Shirt There were three wolves in the bedroom who circled me Should have run Without ever flashing their canines Isn't rape funny like that I have to speak in metaphor in order to get it out In the morning, I told myself that I drank too much And that I cheated, and that I was so sorry And boys will be boys Weaved a different story in my head Painted it like glitter in a swamp Forced a laugh when I said rough sex Saw your face I wonder how many girls have giggled while they were raped I bet a lot of them Black T-Shirt Should have run Sometimes when I'm washing the dishes, the hairs on my arms stand up And somehow thought memory turns into physical memory And I feel my body tense up at the kitchen sink Saw your face I don't know the science of that kind of thing But I feel my eyes close scared And the movie plays And I softly say no And I don't laugh uncomfortably this time Black T-Shirt And afterwards the fury comes like a wave of ashes And I pretend I am the biggest most powerful phoenix And as my hands wrap around the coffee mug in the water I pretend they teleport through time and space to that night And circle around his neck and I say no A whole fuck-ton louder than I did I guess what I'm saying is Saw your face I don't apologize like that anymore White teeth clamped Black T-Shirt, should have run Cries of anguish When I walked in Saw your face White teeth clamped Black T-Shirt Should have run I'm not a prize