(The Legend Of) Miss Baltimore Crabs

TRACY Well, I brought my own 45s, so if you put em on, Ill show you my stuff! LOU ANN Havent you already shown us enough {The Council Girls snicker.--) VELMA Oh my god How times have changed This girls either blind Or completely deranged Ah, but time seemed to halt When i was Miss Baltimore Crabs Childhood dreams For me were cracked When that damn shirley temple Stole my frickin act But the crowns in the vault From when i won Miss Baltimore Crabs Those poor runner-ups Might still hold some grudges They padded their cups But i screwed the judges Those broads thought theyd win If a plate they would spin in their dance Not a chance! Cause i hit the stage Batons ablaze While belting high cs And preparing souffles! But that triple somersault Was how i clinched Miss Baltimore Crabs! VELMA Proceed... TAMMY Are you scared were on live TRACY No, Im sure i can cope! AMBER Well, this show isnt broadcast in... COUNCIL GIRLS ...Cinemascope! VELMA I never drank one chocolate malt No, no desserts for Miss Baltimore Crabs SHELLEY How many sweaters do you own TRACY Well, Im sure Ive got plenty Lets see, I have three...five ... Wait, I have twenty!! VELMA I would say oy gevalt If i wasnt Miss Baltimore Crabs! A tycoon i wed So cuddly and funny The old fart dropped dead But left tons of money So i bought this station VELMA And COUNCIL GIRLS So all of the nation Could see VELMA Baby amber and me! AMBER Do you dance like you dress LINK Amber, theres no need to be cruel! VELMA Would you swim in an integrated pool LIL INEZ Hello Maam, may I please audition VELMA No, but you can bow and exalt! Cause i was Miss Baltimore... VELMA And THE COUNCIL MEMBERS ...Crabs! Crabs, Crabs!!!