Ready Set, Not Yet

Look at this crib In all of its glorious antiquary Every curve and surface speaks to me Saying pamper and spoil me Sand me and oil me Come on​ I know to the untrained eye it's boring But nothing's a chore when you're restoring Apart from frustration, pain, and financial drain It's fun! Folks say, "Adam... Why do you polish your crib When you don't have a kid? And even if you did have a kid This crib is too precious for placing a baby inside it So it simply exists to remind you Your sense of perfection is just a reflection That you are not mentally prepared To make room for a kid​ Adam. Why don't you live, Adam? Just make a start"​ Are you willing to take the next step? Ready, set Ready, set Look at these jugs! ​Amazingly glazed and terracotta-ery I took some clay and made you pottery The world will never wreck you I'll protect you in a mother's embrace Folks say, "Barbara... Why can't you see that ceramics Is simply a manifestation of motherly panic By making a baby that's breakable Aren't you creating a way of translating the terror Of making maternal mistakes into clay Hiding away So you don't have to face being a bad mom Barbara ​That's what you've done, Barbara Just make a start" ​ Are you willing to take the next step? Ready, set Here we stand At the end of a 10-year plan A house, A yard, A minivan A baby should be next Together let's leap off the cliff Fall forever, then smash to bits Trapped in a terrifying viper pit Of diapers and regret Are we willing to take the next step? Ready, set Ready, set Not yet Not yet Why rush? Why rush? Soon enough, our hopes and our dreams will be crushed But not yet! But not yet! Not now Not now Ooohh? No! See? We can't start a family in a house with creaky floorboards! You are absolutely right Let's add it to the list With the cracks in the plaster The wi-fi should be faster This sofa needs a castor The bathroom's a disaster! What about global poverty? What about world peace? Then there's the whole darn economy The whole Middle East We should learn Mandarin! Yeah! Or Spanish at least No habla español Dos cervezas, por favor And that's all we got And that's not a lot Do we want a bilingual household or not? So let's go slow No breaking a sweat What's the point of having children If we're drowning in debt? Now we're totally Completely Maybe eighty percent I'd say seventy-eight Ready to take The next step (Yeah! Yeah! Yeah Yeah!) The next step (Zooby dooby dooby, dooby dop dop bow!) The next step (Zweeby, beeby, boo-bah-bah-dee!) The next step Ready, set let's— See I wasn't kidding It's a show about death!