If You Ever

If you ever go to school Then you'll know that it's a fool Who believes a teachers pet Is a pupil like yourself For if I remember well My old teachers was a belt Which he kept around his shoulder blade There for the mistakes we made Have you ever been to sea And been told reluctantly That if you have one more drink We're all liable to sink If you have all I can say Is have a happy holiday And don't come back without a tan Especially from a far off land Funny old world this Or haven't you noticed Everything's glued on Nothing is screwed on One day we will come unstuck But until then we're in luck If you ever feel the need To go out and plant a seed Then by all means go ahead I won't stop you but instead I will tell you where to go And the seeds that you can grow And by way of payment back I think You could buy us all a drink Funny old world this Or haven't you noticed Nothing is certain Gone for a burton Something must be done they say But for the moment it can wait.